Sunday, December 21, 2014

CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SOUL: A memo to man’s best friend

By AMY NEWMARK, Chicken Soup for the Soul | 6/16/2014

When the Martin-Brooks household got a Portuguese Water Dog, the decision was not a unanimous one. David Martin was outvoted on the matter by his wife, Cheryl, and daughter, Sarah.

A humor writer, David dealt with the situation by writing a fake comical memo to the dog titled “Memo to Oreo,” which we published in our book about our dogs’ lives.

When the Martin-Brooks household got a Portuguese Water Dog, the decision was not a unanimous one. David Martin was outvoted on the matter by his wife, Cheryl, and daughter, Sarah.

A humor writer, David dealt with the situation by writing a fake comical memo to the dog titled “Memo to Oreo,” which we published in our book about our dogs’ lives.

“I’m not sure if you are aware,” David wrote, “that Cheryl purchased you for the not insignificant sum of $1,700.” He then pointed out other expenditures: a high-end crate, baby gates, stainless-steel food bowls and the “$800 Afghan carpet on the stairs purchased to help you avoid developing hip dysplasia.”

David pointed out that Oreo did not have health insurance, so asked that he “take appropriate precautions to minimize further expenditures on medical treatments,” which would mean “no more eating feces or rolling around in dead animal matter.”

Then he explained the terms of their relationship. “In return for three meals a day, assorted treats and at least two walks, all that we ask is that you feign excitement when we come home and occasionally sit and/or lie down on command.”

Finally, he extended a tentative offer of friendship. “I anticipate a cordial, dare I say friendly, relationship developing between us over time,” he wrote. “Once you have learned to stop chewing anything within reach and to cease eating nonedible items, I fully expect that we can spend many pleasant years together on or near the rec room sofa watching sports, drinking beer and/or eating dog biscuits.”

Syndicated by Chicken Soup for the Soul Publishing, online at www.chickensoup.com

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